“Do you believe in Ghosts?” my Mom asked me. It was
‘that’ time of the year where the mother still fears that something may happen
to her child gearing up for his birthday. She is always precautious right from the
day I fell ill 6 days before my first birthday and she is following this
gesture for the 19th consecutive year now.
I, the first Engineer in the family, ridiculed all her
opinions and went out with Bruno on a night where the sound of thunder almost
caught up with its bright partner.
A few meters walk onto the road, I closed my eyes to feel
the breeze. It wasn’t new to me for I belong to a place where climate is the
first reason people choose this place to dwell. “How nice it is to have a walk
at this time” was the thought on me.
I started to sink into my own world. My mom, a typical
South-Indian who loves to do anything and everything for her only son. An excellent cook, but you can never guess
that by seeing me. She has a voice too good that my dad loves only to listen.
Ah..Daddy.. He is of the opinion that his son is as good as Albert Einstein. I
appreciate that dad and to add he is not wrong.
We three make an excellent family for the rule my dad has
enforced. You can sleep with sorrow as company but you are not waking up with
it. I loved this idea of the young man. Mark my words. It works wonders.
“Ah… how happy we three are”!!! Bruno barked to remind that
he is also there. Yes!! We were three before Bruno arrived. Thank me for his
entry into the family. Three of my five working school days had “curd rice” for
lunch. As good as any boy, I hated it and would return home with a heavy lunch
bag. When my mom ran out of patience, I had to run for ideas. On a day, a few
yards away from my home, I was thinking of a way to escape the “Honors” from
mom, a black, nowhere near to cute dog showed up. I was happy to donate and to
my surprise, it ate. Ah..happy boy was me. Went home swinging my lunch bag. My
mom was surprised and asked me “Which dog ate it?” I read the pun mom. I gave
her a sheepish smile and left the scene. Now this became a habit. Three days, I
would feed the little dog and remaining 4 days I would never see him. One
day…..
The usual Feed the Dog day and I was home. My mom shouted
from the kitchen “Where the hell is the lid!!” at 7th scale. Shit!! I knew
where I lost it. Yes..your guess is right. I was searching for answers and good
gracious the phone gave me the break I wanted. No woman is going to hang up
less than 10 minutes unless it’s her husband or a wrong number. I ran out,
opened the brown gate to see the black dog with the white lid. That was an
awesome feel. Took it out from his mouth, gave a pat and turned back to find my
beautiful mom. Her red eyes demanded an explanation. What..You expect me to tell
that the dog carried it for me from the school 7.5kms away. I confessed. “So
this is the dog that ate the rice eh?” I gave her a reaction that made her lose
interest in questioning me again. That’s how he became the family member and he
was named after…never mind.
Bruno had cleared his bladders on the cold night. I was
seeing him thinking how he has grown up. He acknowledged with the wag. The
phone beeped to signal an incoming message. I thought I will ignore it, for I
was “Single” and no one other than my service provider will make use of my
phone beep. In the end, took the phone to check out what latest caller tune was
trending. With Bruno leading the way, I forced myself behind him with the
“Texter’s neck”.
Just then a loud horn from behind straightened me up. I
lifted my head and there, in the reflection of the headlight from the car
behind, I saw a girl. What a beautiful face she had!! Her beautiful face shone
up like a full moon on a starless sky. Her kheer face had kismis as eyes and
cashew as nose. Woow!! She smiled on seeing the car behind me. It looked as
though she smiled at me. Wow I loved
that curve on her face that straightened me up. Her eyes were cute like an
infant. Her face was so magnetic that I never cared to notice her other assets.
Wish I had violin people around me to sum the mood.
Was she my desire? I thought. The car crossed me justifying
its name and stopped beside her. A yellow board metallic blue DZire. She was
happy to get into it but I wasn’t, to see her go. I became a poet I thought.
“Desire in DZire” I quoted. Wow… Sounds good, isn’t it?
The car was off in a flash. I was made sure that I wasn’t
dreaming coz Bruno was at the top of his voice. Man.. I saw a girl and I wanted
to see her again. I know these are general feelings of all boys but I am not of
that category. I see and forget. But she stood there like a princess and I
longed to meet her again and again and again.
Bed time I wished if my dream also had my desire on it. But
of no avail. A usual dreamless night. Its time I forget my desire may be. The morning
was the usual flying to catch the college bus and the usual class. Everything
was normal that day until our HOD entered the class. “What the hell is this
45yr old ‘youth’ doing in our class?” I thought as he began to speak.
“As you already know, our department has a large number of
students”. Yeah. We were split into 2 sections and I hardly know couple of boys
from the other section as their class was my God miles apart. “The semester is
nearing”, he continued. “And so inorder to produce better results we have
planned a shuffle between the two sections. The students who need additional
attention will be put together so that the staff may handle the class much more
effectively.” Wow…what an idea from the bald headed asshole. Their main motive
was to split the gangs that were formed in the class and they come up with some
shit reasons to match their move.
Whats the point of doing it when the classes are almost
over? I thought. But I never dared to open my mouth for that may result in me
hearing his SPB voice a little more than I anticipated. All that is going to
happen is that I may miss some close buds and get new competitors from the other
one. There. He took the list he had prepared and started to read the names who
are going away from our class. We almost got our guesses right in that list. So
it was the farewell time for them and we bid them adieu and geared up to
welcome the new faces. Yes. They were new faces. Atleast to me.
The first one to enter was a girl. She caught the attention
of everybody for she had something unique. And that bowled me over. She was
dressed in the traditional South Indian attire – Saree. Woooowww!!! Finding a
girl in the saree is itself a miracle and she nailed it. Such alluring, such
ravishing, such appealing. I was matching her footsteps with adjectives one by
one. Red had to give way to yellow in my favorites list. Such imposing was her
robe, that robbed everything out of me. She settled herself couple of rows
after mine.
My friends snapped me back to reality to see the next girl.
The third who entered was also a girl. (The second one came along with The Girl
in the Yellow Saree and I never paid attention) Wow she had a face that’s too
good to just watch. Just then I thought. Oh my! The saree stole my thoughts and
I didn’t respect her face. I peeped a little to reach her face. The Poet was
reborn. “Desire isn’t destroyed.”
I couldn’t believe what my eyes saw. The same glow this time
in bright daylight. Man…she is an angel man. How I longed to befriend her. I
wanted to talk to her, but neither had the guts nor the topic to talk. Yes… I
can ask the occasion of the saree, but she already established the fact that it
was her birthday. Isn’t that a perfect way to start a conversation? I went upto
her, lent my hand and said “happy birthday dear” in such a way that only I
could hear the dear. Yes I shook hands with her and I was the 21st person to do
so after she had entered the class.
My thoughts were seriously on one thing. I want to talk to
her. I seriously had no courage but wanted to develop some. I created
situations where I can talk, planned to say Best of luck for class tests
(Yes..I am an engineering college student) but to no avail. I was seeing her in
such a way that none of my friends could even guess it. Imagine how tactical I
was to see her. In 3 months time, I couldn’t carve out one worthy instance to
talk to her. I waited for the miracle to happen. Did it? It did.
My time in the morning restrooms were spent thinking on a
way to talk to her. People say that it’s the best place to think. But you see
the place never added any spice to my idea. Nothing turned up only. Every other
day would pass praying for a divine intervention. Hope never dies. It was a
normal day where the cool headsetted guy engrossed in his cellphone was waiting
for the college bus. “Has the bus left?” chirped a girl nearby. Since I am the
only one to board at my point, I was surprised to hear that. Looked up to
become a poet once again. “Desire decided.”
“What brought you here?” I enquired. Her answer was the
moment of my life. Their family owns a house here which was rented and now its
occupied by the owners themselves. My joy was unbounded. I wanted to jump,
scream, dance, somersault but soon realized I was in the road. “So you have
applied for the bus pass from here?” Her affirmative answer was the proof what
the Almighty is capable of. In the end, it happened that we will have to board and
unboard the same bus at the same point at the same time. I couldn’t have asked
for more. That’s what you call a “Good Friday”.
Come Monday, you would expect me to run to the bus stand and
wait for bus, didn’t you? Yes. You guessed it right. I was there in the bus
point, for the first time in one and half years fifteen minutes before the
scheduled arrival of the bus. I was telling to myself, don’t get excited, act
normal, but no, I couldn’t. I was sweating profusely and the February sun
played a little part in it. I knew which direction the bus would come, but I
was facing the direction where I expecting my “destiny”. There it came. Mmm…
“It” came. The bus. But no her. Monday, I hate you.
The journey to my college on that day felt as if it took
decades. First day you expect a lot and in the end, it happens to be a
disaster. She had a day off. And me… I had a day switched off. Took a same long
journey home to prepare myself for the next day. Hopefully Tuesday should go
well I said after waking up. Got myself to the wardrobe to search for the second
best attire from the wardrobe. Wondering why not the best one? Had it on
yesterday itself.
Finally found the well-pressed pair and got myself ready.
That’s when the girl who remembers each and everything in the world and reminds
us when we need came into the scene. “My dear son”, she said. “Today is
Tuesday”. My blank expression made her to repeat the statement with stress,
“TUESDAY”. If that wouldn’t have striked a chord in me, my mom would have had a
strike on me. Yes. Its Tuesday. Famous for its infamous “Lab”. Engineer guy
hates the lab mainly because of its so called dull looking uniform. I had to
wear that light blue shirt to enter into the AC room. And instead facing the
enquiries that will happen if I don’t wear, I would better wear the same.
The dress disaster almost ruined my day as I slowly made my
way to the bus point. I wasn’t so perplexed. I made it ten minutes prior to the
arrival of the bus and nine minutes earlier than the previous week. How I
wished not to see her today. Again, in the race between my girl(Yeah) and the
bus, Tuesday also saw the bus winning. I got into the bus reluctantly though
expecting she would make it in some case. No. Sat into my usual window seat on
the right to enjoy the breeze. The bus moved few metres when my thoughts were
disturbed by a loud horn. I peeped out the window to see her in a bike drove by
a fit masculine guy supposedly her dad. Who cares the male. I saw her, jumped
out of my seat, danced my way to the driver to stop him. After a few words, for
which I never paid attention to, he stopped. I saw her right hand, ringed where
it should be, catch hold of the bar and step her right leg to get in. The
driver had a good advice in his low(!) voice to me. To get back to my seat
instead of standing in the way. I was back in my seat to see the dark pink robed
angel making herself comfortable four rows in front of me.
As the journey progressed, she had some of her friends in
the bus and had lot to talk. I had nothing to do rather than listen to ARR
melodies and seeing her. The entire bus journey I never lost her out of my
sight. Tuesday is not that bad I thought.
I am a guy who is obsessed with computers and I don’t spend
my time in the lab seeing nothing else other than my system. I was like that
even after her entry into our class. But today, I longed to see her. I know
where she sits but never sighted her. If it is someone I talk in the lab, it
would be either Ash(Ashwin) to have a technical discussion or with my staff for
the same. She sits way behind me in the lab and I cursed that for the first
time today. I hate you labs I hate you, I declared.
Evening with the same excitement as morning, I reached my
bus. Oooof. Tiring day may be. She slept. And even I wanted her to sleep. Sleep
sooooo well that I would wake her up while getting down. But that was not gonna
happen. She woke up at the right time. Our destination came and she got down
closely followed by me. Her dad was there to take her home. I wondered whether
he doesn’t go to office at all. She turned towards me and said “Bye”. I replied
with all of my 28 teeth visible (I had 4 removed when I had to clip my teeth).
“Baaayeeee”. “Who is this?” the male barked. She introduced me to her dad. “Oh,
so you both belong to the same class. That’s nice isn’t it. My dear why don’t
you get his number so that it would help us for the bus?” He said.
Oh my Dad..oh.. Dad in law… I love you…. You are the best in
the world….. said me to myself.
“I am always happy to help”, I said while giving her my
number. I was intelligent enough not to get her number in front of her father.
I know that was a master stroke. The walk back home was awesome. The nature
seemed so kind to me. There was a light drizzle which is famous in my place.
ARR was at his best. Yes. “I am in Love”, I concluded. She wasn’t that
beautiful for my lust to take over. I wanted a life with her outside the
bedroom. I never knew anything of her behavior, character, lineage, horoscope
et al. All these happens in arranged marriages. Mine is a magic called Love. I
have a task cut-out ahead of me.
The first thing I did after reaching home is that I changed
my “Who the f*** is that” ringtone, which I had for the calls I receive from
numbers apart from my contacts list. I desperately wanted a call from her. Was
it a mistake I did by not getting her number?A miss call from her would have
done it. All thoughts started to ponder me as I sat for evening snack of hot
pakoda and mom special tea. In the night, I thanked God for a wonderful Tuesday
and hoping for an even better Wednesday I went to bed. Suddenly a message. I
opened my eyes. What if it is her? Did she wish me good night? Oh.. How this
night is going to be good without you my dear?
Tachycardiac, I opened the message. “Good night” it read. The number was
well-known bloody friend of mine, who I believe is still single and is
broadcasting good night and good morning messages daily to numerous people.
Fuck off I swore as I hit the bed.
It became a routine for me to reach my bus point earlier
than usual. Wednesday I was at the point in the costume that I decided the
previous day with my headsets on. I had added the Raja sir touch also to my
playlists. He is a king in these situations. There she was.. finally earlier
than usual. I was excited as I have the right opportunity to make a talk. The
gentleman (He looks good ok!) bid her adieu. Good guy he didn’t wait for the
bus to arrive. He waved a hi at me and I responded with respect. I was nervous.
Though I had the experience of talking in front of a crowd, talking before a
crush is a sweating moment.
Should I start a conversation? Do I have the right topic for
a starter? “Has the bus left?” she questioned. That moment that 3 pound thing
in my head began to work. What a lame question she has asked? I concluded that
she is even more nervous than I am. I must make use of this, I thought. “What
do you expect me to do here, if the bus has left? Waiting for you?” my mouth
answered. The ploy worked. She gave a giggle. Oh… I just loved that. “Would you
mind repeating it again?” I wished.
The yellow flight landed in our point. She signaled me to
get in first. That was cute. Even I did the same. I took a step further saying
“After you, please”. She gave me the enchanting smile and got into the bus. I
followed her. The bus started on while she was settling herself and whizzed
past her to my window point. I sat, closed my eyes to think how beautiful she
looked today. Wow. My looked like an angel the day I saw her and she has never
lost it. She is always on the money whatever be the outfit. She carries herself
so majestically that any vulnerable single like me would fall prey for.
I switched to deep thinking mode now. She asked me a very
lame question. Was she trying to make a move? Is she suffering from the same
feelings as I am? So many questions in mind, obviously a girl is involved. True
that. Now practically, I can’t jump into conclusions about her. But I wanted
answers. I must have the patience to get them too. I prepared myself for
getting answers from her. My every move must be tactical now. I must behave in
such a way that she should answer my questions. Neither should I question her
nor she must find that I needed answers. Time for the 1400g thing to grind
tougher.
Now that she had become regular to the bus point, more of
our conversation had generic topics only. We seldom talk about a subject
outside our college. After all we had nothing to speak on. Red, Actor Vijay and
her location of the house were the only results of those seldom talks. I got
nothing useful from that but still her house place is a valuable info. A
ten-min from where I live. So what else? How do I get answers or I express my
feelings, I pondered as I bid her bye in the evening. There were improvements
in our talk. We had to walk together in the evenings. The good dad couldn’t
make it and it had become a habit.
My brain had never been this active of late. Always in the
process of finding a way. Her thoughts were thoroughly on my mind as my phone
beeped. “Hey there” it read to my surprise. An unknown number!! Finally she had
texted me. But I wasn’t sure. My inner gut said it was she. “Yup. May I know
who is this?” I replied at 22:31 a minute later after message arrived. 22:34 “
:P.. You don’t need to know me :) A favour for me please. I am kinda ill and
may not make it to coll tmr. I hav Roshini’s record with me and she definitely
needs it tmr. Do you mind?” I loved the way she used her smileys to convey. But
I needed an analysis on the message. I replied “Sure. See you tmr. Gud night.”
This message answers a lot of my questions. She didn’t ask me if I can do it.
For the most part it looked like an order. She blushed for the initial part of
her reply text. What does that mean? I expected a reply for my text and I was
never wrong. “Thanks. But you cant see me tmr ;) I hav tol my dad to giv it 2 u
in d bus stand so that u needn’t come home. Bye. Gud night.” Pondering mode on.
The smiley that followed “you cant see me tomorrow” conveys something. Come on
Albert Einstein. Figure it out.
Should I go to her house and get it rather than her dad
coming? I thought in the morning. Atleast I may get to see her. But I decided
against it. Is she of the same thought as I am? Am I good enough for her to
fall in love with me? Come on…she impressed me when I saw her the first time.
Did I do the same? If not at the first time atleast some time? As I was mulling
over these, I saw her father making his way towards me. He handed me the record note that she had talked about
and he never spoke a word. He almost left but then turned towards a worrying me
and said “Slight fever, that’s all”. Oh my.. Did my face the reveal what the
heart yearned for. I need to learn something from Kamal Hassan. Acting I mean.
He shouldn’t have revealed that to me. My entire day was
spent thinking of her. Lost I was. Never before I had been so absent minded.
She changed me. I thought I was a strong guy but she just reminded me that I
was just a sponge hearted fellow. I must meet her today said a determined me.
She was my medicine. I must cook up some screenplay to see her. Roshini came
into the scene to be my ingredient. While I was planning for a man-made
coincidence I got a God made coincidence. “Can you please pass it this note to
her? She needs it desperately.” I nodded in a precaution not to show out my
excitement. She thanked and left. The lover boy inside me started to jump. Of
course he should.
I went straight to home in the Tuesday evening had a change
of costumes and walked straight to her home and pressed the switch for the
bell. This was the first time I am visiting her house and was kinda nervous. I
wanted her to open the door. But if everything what man wished became true,
this earth is a disaster. Her mom I think opened the door. I gave a short intro
of myself and my purpose of visit. She welcomed me inside. I entered the house
stepping my right leg first as a sentiment.
A look around the house and my conclusion gave me an inner
joy. The house in the way it was arranged, the Gods that hung in the wall and
her grandmother who was at the corner of the house meant only one thing. A
tambrahm family. Just like us. There goes the check mark in one of the
important hurdle that I needed to cross. It’s time to switch over the language
I thought. I had a long conversation with her mom in the “our” language. In the
end of it, she had developed a wonderful feeling for me. I left the house with
the big proud face even though I didn’t see her. The sense of an achievement.
“Thanks” her text at 21:44 read. My mission was a success. I
got the confidence that I am going in the right direction. I must be cautious
that I must not overdo it. Every action must be tactical, diplomatic. “hope you
are doing good. Tak care” was my reply. It conveyed that I didn’t care about
her thanks but I cared about her. “Sure. C u tmr” 21:47. The swiftness in which
her messages reached me confirmed the fact that she was always with the mobile
in hand. So there are possibilities for another boy in her life. But I hoped
for the worst. Also I needed to get this information as quick as possible. “u
can tak a brk from ur gf to reply me also ;)” she sent with a wink. It was
21:53. I got the answer for my question. No committed girl would have expected
the reply. “My grandfather passed away few yrs bak :P” flew from my mobile.
“so?” Girl, I thought, you need brains for a guy like me. I explained the
GrandFather “joke” and she loved it. Again a step further. But still I wasn’t
that convinced of her status. 22:03-“Gud nyt.”
Tuesday has always been good to me I thought as I sunk
myself to sleep. Next day I was happy to see her in the morning. I put up a
health enquiry in front of her father just as an act of Good Samaritan. But I
wanted to know that she was keeping well. “We almost made you a postman right?”
she asked referring to the previous day. “Ha I don’t mind”, I said as buried
myself into Raja sir to avoid much more of the “postman” talk.
She has always been the initiator of most of the
conversations. That shows that she is not as nervous as me. Does that mean she
has the same feelings as I do? My mind started to bug over it again. By the way
she talks to me, occasional smiles that she gives to me in lab or the class
shows that she is very comfortable having me on her side. On the contrary, I
sweat, stammer, struggle when the angel is beside me. Slowly I saw the
development in myself. I started to get comfortable with her. We started to
have conversations that were apart from college, subjects and record books. Her
schooling, 1108 in 12th, her mom, her dad everything was now known to me. Our
mobile chats became longer, looonger and looooonger. 00:24 she wished me “gud
nyt” one day. Sleep wasn’t instantaneous for me. I would ruminate the
happenings of the entire day and then fall asleep.
My religion single girl is she and days elder to me. The
latter part needs some labour on it. Question yet to be answered is that I
should know whether she breaths the same love air as I do. The answer has no
indirect route to reach me. I must ask her the question and my question has no
indirect answers. But before asking my question, I must express my state of
mind. And I cant demand for the answer or press for an immediate one. I have to
cork up my feelings, I decided.
A 21yr old guy’s mind has been so much troubled by the entry
of this girl. She had threw my brains for a spin, hadn’t she? Now that I have
decided to express my feelings to her, it must be done in a proper planned way.
The way how you propose may instigate feelings if she didn’t have one. The same
way, it may ruin her thoughts if you mess up with your plan. I started to chart
out the plan. Do I need anyone’s help? Can I pull it off myself?
The saying goes “Your love can be hidden from the girl, but
not from your friends”. True that. My gang almost smelled that I was in love
but weren’t sure who the girl was. But their first guess was she, as we both
come and go together for the entire class, college to watch. I tried avoiding
questions on that, but friends are powerful weapons that pull almost everything
from our mouth no matter how stubborn we are. But they continue to tease me
with that girl. Infact the entire class did the same. Even the girls, I reckon,
were of the same nature. My girl was a pity deer caught amongst the gang of
lionesses. So sad.
I was still thinking of a romantic way to get to her. Just
then, my phone beeped. I knew it was her or rather I wanted it to be her. Wish
granted. “Are you committed?” Why in the world is she asking such a question.
Does she want to confirm my relationship status? Has she got the feelings as I
do? “Yes,but y?” flew the reply. A “no” would have resulted in “ok” but “yes”
would add more spice. “Thank God..Now I ll tel ppl tat u r committed, so tat
ppl don’t tease me.” So this was the reason of her enquiry. “Fine.And if they
don’t stop, tel me. I wil c.” An assurance I gave to make her feel comfortable
that which every girl loves. I know I will get another question as a reply. I
waited for it.
“by d way, who is it?” Master stroke I thought. Curiosity
and Girls are made for each other. You just cant stop girls from questioning
and I felt that was my trump card. My every answer should have a question coming
in from her. I thought the time has come. “You know her”, I replied. Wow. Girls
are very much interested in other girl’s life rather than theirs. “Who is she?”
“Our college?” “Our class?” “Do I really know her?” “Have you proposed?” “Shal
I help?” These many questions came in consecutive texts and only “Yes” was the
reply from my side for all the texts except for the proposal question. “I will
do whatever I can from my side, tell me?” She was determined to help. I was
happy to seek one. “Yes, I know you can and only you can. But now its 00:24 and
I think you can sleep.” I knew that she is not going to bed without answers.
“No……” she cried. But I am not going to let her emotions overtake me. “Wil c
tmr..bye..gn”. The text looked strict that she didn’t dare to reply.
To make things interesting, I reached the bus point exactly
a minute prior to the arrival of the bus. She was furious. I could sense the
heat. “What took you so long?” she asked me with a tough voice as she entered
the bus and I followed. I settled myself as I heard my Samsung beep. “I didn’t
get a reply” it was her. For the first time I had received a text from her when
we are in the bus. “Why don’t we talk about it in the night” I replied. She
turned back and gave me a look. Man!! That almost killed me. “Desire is
dangerous” the poet, after a long while, added.
Our evening walk was full of threatening, asking, begging
from her to know about my girl but unfortunately the guy didn’t open the mouth.
I liked to keep her waiting. But I must do it in such a way that she should not
be exhausted and leave off the matter. I quoted again as we departed “Only you
can help.” She was quite pleased and gave me assured look. We smiled at each
other and left.
“So tell me..wat shud I do?” she texted just I had my face
cleared of the wetness of my wash. “I am in love with a girl and I am not sure
if she is single or not. Can you please help me in finding it?” I replied with
guts. “Sure..tel me her name man..i cant stand d suspense” “There is a girl who
lives beside my house. She has a cute smile and a wonderful character. She has
become close with me 5 months now and I have known her nicely. I would like to
know if she is single. If I get the answer for this I will proceed further.” “Idiot,
u want my status eh..black mailer. You tried to ask me so many times and now u
r trying another novel way..i lik it..anyways..that girl as far as I know is
still single and has no plans of any such activities in near future.” She
marked my committed status as a prank.
“Oh no plans for tat gal eh..ask her if she wud change her
mind if she sees a worthy guy” I replied. “It depends”. That looked like an
indirect answer. But I wanted answers more precise. “What if you meet a guy
like me, darling”. I still couldn’t believe that I used such a word in the end.
The next text I received from her was the next day morning. The usual “Good
morning” that she broadcasts to number of people and she forgot to exclude. I
never had the guts to face her in the bus point. “It would have been nice if
you would have omitted ‘that’ word”, she said after a hawk. I understood what
she was upto. She didn’t like being called ‘darling’. My “sorry” was followed
by her “sorry”. That was surprising. “I don’t need sorry and all.Cheer up”, she
gave me an adorable smile and went into the bus that just arrived. She didn’t
love what I said but she didn’t hate it either. Its upto me how I carry on with
things. She looked comfortable as she had just left a message “idiot” during
our bus journey. Come on. Our chats has increased multifold. Texting almost
everytime we are. “My Desire is a delight.”
She behaved in such a way that nothing of a sort had
happened. Now you see girls know so much and are very good in hiding knowledge.
They hide it sooooo deep, that they forget that such things existed later.
Now did she like it or not? Is she ok with it? Has she
understood what I had said? Girls are a mystery yet to be solved. So many
people have attempted it and I am also in the queue. I needed to get the answer
but didn’t have the dare to repeat the word again. “What kind of reaction is
that you have given me for using ‘that’ word?” I asked just to remind her that
I called her using that word. There came the much awaited reply. “Listen.. I
can understand what u are upto..I don have a valid reason to reject
u..similarly I don have a reason to accept u either..whichever reason I get
first, will be my ans.”
Wow..Whatta reply was that. She had given me the one of the
most diplomatic answers I have ever received. But I don’t understand that
people need reasons to fall in love. What if the reason fade? Will the
everlasting love also fade? It looked funny to me. But I can take a lot of
positives from her answer. The fact that she doesn’t hate me is seems decisive.
Now my task is that she has a seed of love in wind dispersal mode, which I need
to get it landed in a proper fertile land and nurture it until it bears the
fruit of love. I would be pleased to have a taste of it.
“Please don change the way u txt me..it kinda pricks..” she
sent with diligence. “I am gonna continue my style.. It depends on the reader”
I clarified that I spoke to her with love from day one. The frequency of the
exchanges reduced alarmingly. Our eye contacts calmed down. We had hardly anything
to talk to during the evening walk. I prayed that it should change. But I made
sure I wasn’t forcing on her anything. I would see her in the class, when she
would be talking to her friends. She never lost her charm though I knew her
mind had unanswerable questions. Looked like I am the first one to propose her and
never in the world is anyone going to forget their first proposal both sent and
received.
My friends sniffed out our situation and suddenly all
started to pour in ideas of wooing her. But I wasn’t interested in that. Such
things don’t last long. People said that inorder to make her fall in love, I
must make her smile. But every time she smiled, I am the one who fell in love.
Love looks to be a good feeling. And one side love is much more heavenly. You
have got nothing to lose. I just loved the feeling of love. Everything in the
world looks interesting. I just cant afford to miss her. That divine feeling
when I get when she is near by!!! I longed for that. For today, tomorrow and
for ever. “Determined for my desire.”
Semester exams comes in the month that is improbable by
itself. A lover boy facing the semester is a daunting task. Our chats started
to get back to shape only because I was scoring good marks and people come to
me for doubts. She had doubts as a reason to chat with me and I felt thankful.
Our chats was predominantly technical of late. I didn’t complain. Something is
always better than nothing.
I demanded from her one thing. I wanted a good luck wish
from her on every exam day in person. She happily agreed after I assured her
that I will also do the same. These girls are a brilliant catch. I must hold on
to them as well as possible. Fate was on my side always. We would eventually
end up in the same class everyday, but not on the same place. Our seats would
shuffle everyday. If she sits behind me, I would turn and seek her wishes as
she would be happily wait for me with hands on her bubbly cheeks. In case I end
up behind her, my eyes would be fixed only on her until she turns at me, give
her trademark cutie smiley and wish me. I do not start the exam unless she
wishes. But I have not lost more than 3mins of my exam time. She somehow makes
it.
All these signs are not enough to show that she has fallen
in love with me. Our chats continued in the same frequency as it was before.
But neither of us talked about the four letter word. But I wanted her. She also
looked comfortable during the chats, the walk, in bus, in lab everywhere. Is it
suffice? She needs more. I need more.
The semester holidays came and I missed the walks. I was
happy that she too had similar thoughts. So we planned to meet up everyday
morning in the temple nearby. I felt good. At no point we made sure the place
didn’t lose its sanctity. We would just see each other and give a smile and
leave the place after paying our obeisance to the Lords, hardly speaking at
each other. A guy of my age visiting temple daily would surely make people
think. But I never gave room for that. I visit the temple daily. She was the
new-comer.
Fortunately both of our houses never planned any vacation.
So there was never a day where I didn’t see her. In the meantime, we both
became a familiar face in each other families. Tambrahms get along with each
other very easily. The moms became fond of each other as well. All signs looked
good for my long term plans. Hope I get it out done.
We stepped our third year of engineering together. My second
year was a success especially my fourth sem was a grand success. I am not sure
if the results would say that, but to my credit, I got a 100% attendance. You
know why. There was a lot to look forward for me in the third year.
I just loved being at the college if she was there. We
chatted over the night, in the morning, in the evening. Never did we talk long
in the class. We know about our friends. And currently, Ash and Vicks, two of
my closest buds knew about the matter of things, but were good enough not to
publicize it. Including Harshini, her buddy none others in the class knew about
what was going on between us two. Nothing out of ordinary happened in the third
year. The usual day bus point talk, chat in the bus, chat in the bus, evening
walk and night chat. That sums my day.
By the time, the sem results were out in August, the results
were the usual same girls topping the class while the top ranked boy stood
seventh in the class. But I was not worried standing seventh as long as I ranked
better than my girl. It’s a sense of pride. She was also happy for me. She held
out her hand to congratulate me the next day morning. I was doubly delighted to
accept the appreciation. That was the second physical contact between us. I
have seen films where the hero feels as if he is electrocuted when the girl
touches him. I had ruled it out as exaggeration until then and agreed to it thereafter.
My love life was ordinary. There was nothing to spice up. We
chat daily but those chats didn’t help her fall in love with me. She enjoys my
talk, am I an orator? She enjoys my sense of humor, am I Rowan Atkinson? No. I
am her lover. Or she is my lover. The former is yet to be true. The sooner the
better. I was praying for the divine intervention. Did it happen?
There was one Friday when we reached home in the dark due to
a power failure. I had a marriage of my relative to be attended to be in the
nearby city. While my mom and dad were ready, I had to hurry myself in the
dark. We were supposed to have a two day stay there and my mom had readied my
baggage already. I had a quick wash in the dark and was good to go. We three
set off leaving Bruno under the custody of our neighbor Sitaram sir who was
happy to accept him as a guest. While we reached out the main bus stand, I had
my hands on the head as I shouted ‘OH MY GODDD!!’ Haste makes waste. Hurry
leads to worry. My dear mobile, I forgot you!!!
My dad and mom laughed at my carelessness but I was not
caring for that. I am gonna miss texting her. Two days. Two full days. Saturday
and Sunday. Forty eight hours. I started to calculate the minutes and seconds.
Jesus Christ!! While I will get back on Monday morning, I am going to be
doomed. She knows that I am not in the city but she doesn’t know that my mobile
is still in the city. How am I gonna survive the days here. While fear almost
sunk me in, sleep had the last laugh that night.
I had a big gang of cousin-mates and they almost made me
forget the outside world. I was busy in doing this, doing that, that I would
hardly think of her in the day time. Nights were difficult to surpass. I would
lie down, look at the roof, think of her. Some old chats would pass in my mind.
I missed her. Very badly. Just then I wondered, “if she also experiencing the same?”
Monday morning came. Never in my lifetime I had waited for a
Monday this much. I hurried home to see my Samsung switched off as expected. We
were a little late on schedule and to stop my mom from shouting further, I put
my switched off phone to charge and had to get ready for my college. I was
quick enough to manage my shower and breakfast as I snatched the mobile and
started. Trembling with fear I switched it on. 43 miss calls and 55 messages. I
loved those numbers. It was my roll number and her roll number respectively.
But I didn’t have the patience to enjoy the romance of the figures. She had all
the calls and messages to her credit. I started to read one by one.
“Happy journey”, “Have u started?”, “pls reply me..”, “Heloooo..” “Are u thr..?”, “Pls see the phone..”, “Started..?”,
“Where are u?”, “Are u angry?”, “Have I done anythin wrong?”, “Pls reply..”, “I
am sorry..”, “Boarded the bus?”, “Had dinner..?”, “I had..”, “I feel sleepy..”,
“Good night”, “I told good night”, “after a long time, I am going to sleep
without seeing ur gud nyt..”, “bye”, “hope for a txt tmr atleast..”, “Tata”. I
took a deep breath as Friday texts ended.
“Good morning”, “Atleast good morning..?”, “Did u slp wel..?”,
“I didn’t slp well..”, “Atleast pick up d cal man..”, “Its boring for me..”, “What
HAPPENED..!!?”, “Wil u reply or not..”, “Heloooo..”, “I am stil alive..”, “what
wrong have I done..?”, “u forgot me..”, “bloody boy..reply..”, “Attend atleast
my phone..”, “Fine..Good bye..”, “I am in d temple..”, “I went to ur home..”, “Sitaram
uncle said u r out of town..”, “Reply..reply..reply..”, “Bruno barked at me..”,
“what the hell is wrong wit u..”, “I am not gonna txt until u do..”, “I tol I
wont txt..”, “Pls reply..”, “did u forget the phone..?”, “No..u arent txting..”,
“u wont txt, u wont talk..busy man..“, “Sat afternoon here and stil no txt..”,
“I am furious.. I am gonna kill u when I c u..”, “am waiting for Monday..”, “That’s
it..i am stopping..”, “No more txts until u do..”, “Bye..”
Phew, exhausted. I looked up. I had reached the bus point.
The miss calls were split like 8 on Friday and the rest for Saturday. From 8:31AM
there were continuous miss calls on Saturday where 8 minutes was the longest
break between two consecutive miss calls. My God.. She switched off my phone.
She hasn’t reached the spot yet and it was minutes away from
the arrival of the bus. I started to compose a text to her, just as I heard the
splendor making its way. My guess was never wrong as I looked up. It was her
with a glowering face. She never bothered to look at me. “I…” I started as her
father took off. She tightened her earphones to avoid further talk. When I got
settled in my usual window seat, I began to analyze her messages. She missed
me. I can assure that. She didn’t sleep, her day wasn’t good, she even made an
effort to reach my house. Looked like she had missed me. Infact very badly. It
seemed as though her brains didn’t work. She almost guessed that I left the
phone but in the end she convinced that I am not texting her deliberately. I
seriously had no offence on myself. My bad that I have a very good poor memory.
I had to sort it out as quickly as possible.
She never replied to my “Sorry” that I sent her during our
bus journey. She never bothered to look at me the entire day, though I had my
eyes firmly on her. And she knew that too. I knew its not gonna solve by
texting. I needed to speak with her. I hoped we would get a good time during
the evening walk. “Would you please listen to me”, I pleaded as we got down the
bus and started to walk. She had a step ahead of me. She seemed uninterested to
listen to me. “Hey..please.. I am sorry.. I forgot my mobile here. I swear.”
She gave me a vacant look, stopped and said “Idiot” and went off in her path. I
stood frozen there for a couple of minutes and then walked home. Did she agree
to my explanation? Am I okay with that? I took a long walk home. Just as I
reached my home, samsung showed that he is still alive by beeping.
I hurried on to the mobile as I knew it would be her and I
didn’t want to waste even a single second. “Really?” her text read. “Yeah.. I
am not joking..seriously.. You remember the power cut, that was the
reason.Sorry” I passed out the message. “So it’s the power cut that lit up my
love life, isn’t it?” I got a text from her. Wow!!! That is one of the simplest
way to admit that you are in love. I just loved that. I thought the way I
proposed her was the meekest one. Here she comes up with much more austere one.
Finally.. I am no more single. “Oh..so its time to throw up the party to Ash
and Vicks..A long awaited one..Shall I?” My question was answered with a
“Yes..You may proceed.”
The magic in her blossomed all of a sudden. But that’s what
you call magic. Love. I have never seen nor heard of such a professional lovers
as we are. We are gonna set a trend. The night she confirmed her love, had no
texts between us. I was ordered to suffer for leaving my mobile here. With
thoughts thoroughly on her, I closed my eyes to sleep for the first time as doubly
to “Dance in the Dream with my Desire.”
I just couldn’t wait for the morning to meet her. I was
there at the bus point with a bright colored dress on the Tuesday. Yes. This
sem had a different schedule for labs. My eyes firmly fixed in the direction of
her arrival. To my delight, my desire came. Her beauty, it seemed, has
increased multifold overnight. My angel, my princess, my cutie little girl was
attractive as ever. She saw me and gave a beautiful smile. I loved that curve
on her lips. Her rosiness deserved millions. After all, I am seeing her for the
first time as my own property.
Neither of us spoke a word in our 4 minute stay in the bus
point. I wanted the truth to settle down. I had a rapid pulse as she was near
me. ARR couldn’t soothe me down. I barely heard my music. She never lifted her
stooped head. I wanted to hear her, but had no fuel to ignite the talk. “Bus
came”, I said. I had nothing else at that point and I am sure she would have
guessed that I sounded stupid. She never replied to me. Its always me who board
the second that I had the advantage of a glance at her after she sits down. I
do that daily but today’s glance bowled me over. It was for the first time our
eyes had the collision.
ARR and Raja sir were at their best in my playlist which
featured the best of best. That itself consumed GB’s of data. Such is their
stature. I wanted to chat but no subject matter. I sent a “Hey” to start off
with. Within minutes I got the reply “Tell”. “You look gorgeous today” I
flirted for which I got an amazing reply. “I am d same, the looker has changed
the eyes.” She was true on that. She looked more adorable because I changed the
way I look at her. She talks in such a way that I wonder whether love has made
her a scholar. Two texts with such diplomacy. I still marvel her confession of
love. “Yeah..my eyes were operated by love” I acknowledged. “Hope the operation
spared enough to treat your friends.” I loved her texts now. She looks
completely different girl. The chat went on the entire trip and I was
flabbergasted with the tact in each text.
We both entered the class as though newly wed couples enter
the house. It gave me the same feeling. I wanted to hold her hand, but my
imagination was enough feed to me. My face carried that ‘achievement’ smile
throughout the day. I never told them but Ash and Vicks were good to guess. So
they had their much pestered treat, that started off the day in October when I
saw the yellow sareed beauty and here they get it about a year later.
Perseverance wins after all. I appreciate you guys.
Harshini had her stomach full from my girl too. We both met
at the cafeteria for the same reason – Treat and for the same occasion – A
doubly. Now you can call that a “Lovely” coincidence. My eyes were promoted to
the job of the tongue whenever I meet her. Day 1 in college as a doubly was
heavenly and I couldn’t wait for the evening steps
together. It wasn’t too long when we got down from the bus in the evening. We
never spoke a word. My right foot was right in symmetry with her’s. We walked
the same line neither a foot ahead or nor behind. I enjoyed every second of my
step with her. We reached the point where we had to part ways. “Go home and
text”, she said and went off in her path.
I never waited to reach home. I texted her immediately. My
love was overflowing and was hard to contain. After all an amateur I am. She
replied in a little while. I loved to see her text. I longed for it. She
continued to fragrance most part of my night until we exchanged good nights at
1:24 AM.
6:07 in the morning, I woke up and sent a “Good Morning” to
her. The return salutation was received at 6:44. That aroused a smile in me and
since both of us had to get ready for the college, “See u at the point
darling”, I signed off, with the first romantic touch of the day. It was equaled
in her reply “Sure dear.”
I was there at the point awaiting her presence. To my
delight, she came earlier than expected, carrying herself beautifully with her
outfits. Her dad had couple of words for me, enquiring about my dad’s
availability. Our two families have gelled very well in the recent past. The
dads talking business and moms, recipes.
Texting in the bus saw a decline now. We have changed our
seats. She sits in the last row allotted for the girls and I sit in the first
row allotted for the boys. In that way, I lean forward and I get a whiff of her
hair. We would talk a little. We had a few staff people also, who look at us as
if we are criminals. We wanted to avoid that discomfort. I just enjoyed the
love in the air.
The days can never get better. I woke up for her wish and I
slept with her wish. My every movement she knew and the vice versa is also
true. We exchanged visits. She comes to my home occasionally and I pay a visit
every now and then. I became a part of her family and she became one in my
family. We had an excellent rapport between us. The record works, internals,
surprise tests all acted as catalysts for our relationship to grow.
Every day I see her and the day becomes special. We didn’t
spare a single day, without seeing each other. The temple came to the rescue
during the day-offs. There is one day that I would like to share. I saw her for
the first time of the day at the usual bus point. I was dumbstruck by her looks
that day. I couldn’t utter the word “hi” to her. Words played truant. There was
a new entry in her face. A stunning nose stud!! It increased her beauty
quotient exponentially. We reached the college and I was yet to recover from
her strike. In the class, I was caught looking at her by several of my friends.
My eyes never paid heed to me. It kept on looking at her admiringly. Eyes are
also involuntary. English language needed a revamp to explain her beauty. Finally
I cleared my throat to ask her the specialty of the stunning stud. She said
that it was just like that. No intentions. But she was wrong. She had
intentions. To knock me over. And she gets full marks for that. Her image stood
right in my eyes the entire day. I was there in the roof gazing the stars thinking
of her. The shining stars reminded me her sparkling stud. I admired the beauty
of the creation. Her stud was as though it pierced her nose and travelled long
enough to hit my heart. I could never brush off the thought.
I told her how beautiful she looked that day, over the text.
She confessed a fact then. She was told to wear a nose-ring for a quite a long
while. But she was of the thought that it may look very old fashioned and
nobody would like her. Now she knew that there would be one person who will
obviously like it. And that boosted her confidence and hence the result. It
gave me proud lover feeling. Then I asked her the googly. It isn’t necessary
that I must like whatever she does right? She gave another shake me off answer.
She liked it. So did I. Love is an amazing feel pal.
There are certain important duties for a lover. A good lover
should have a good memory power. And I am elementary in it. There are days that
you should remember, gifts that should remember, happenings, favorites and so
much similar. One of the important is the birthday. Yes, it has come. It is the
time for her birthday. There will be so much expectation from me. Not only she,
her friends also would be eager to know what her lover gifted her. That’s what
girls are made up of. The bars are set high for me.
I sat down on roof top to plan for her birthday that was four
days away. Planning a gift for a girl is a difficult task I say. She will like
everything for the first time. But I didn’t want that. I needed something that
reminds her of me every time she sees and brings a smile to her. Thoughtful
days ahead.
Finally the day had come. I called up at 11:50 pm the night
previous to her birthday. I am not so fond of wishing people at 12 but I was
ordered to. According to me, the day begins when you get out of your bed. But
my darling, gave an explanation as to why I should call her at 12. It is her
day and the first voice hears must be mine. I agreed. By the way, I didn’t have
options.
The clock stroke 12 and here I was singing the same old tune
“Happy Birthday to you ♫. May God bless you with a beautiful life with your
loved one.” A first of a kind birthday wish for me. She liked it. We hung the
phone for she had pestering second calls. She texted after a while. Didn’t have
much of a text as we exchanged night salutations and went off to bed.
Morning saw me waiting for my darling with much
anticipation. She was there. Not saree this time, a well stitched ethnic kurti
embroidered beautifully in white to match its dark blue base. Her bottom and
shawl challenged the color of the full moon. Elegance in human form was she. “Beautiful
selection of your outfit dear”, I said after her father had left. “Looks good
on me?” she questioned. “Regardless of your outfit, you look beautiful to me
darling” I blushed. “Romeo, the bus has come. Stop the romance.”
Wishes poured in galore as she entered the class. Harshini
and couple of her another friends surprised her with gifts. She was the talk
among the girls and I was amidst the boys. These people demanded a wine and
dine from me too. I had to oblige. I didn’t have much of a choice. Evening walk
was where I planned to gift her and the time has come. “Darling”, I called. “It
is your first birthday with me. How do you feel?” asked the boy. The angel
started, “My feel is beyond words my dear. I am loving each and every minute of
my birthday. Day starting off with your call and..Can I can I ask you
something?” “Before that, I have a gift for you. I don’t have that money to get
you something precious dear. I am sorry for that. All I have with me is a
self-designed greeting card.” Saying this I opened my bag to give her the card.
Her face was plain as she opened the card to read it.
“I always wanted to know why I was born,
Just then a God-sent angel, you, came;
You took away from my path, the stone and
thorn,
And life with me played a different game.
The world saw me a completely different
person,
I saw myself happier than before.
I don’t want the situation to worsen,
Coz I love you more and more.
Sans you am an out of water fish,
Though I need to use it one time;
I will ask you for my life time.”
It was my
first attempt to write and the tiny drop at the edge of her eyes stated that it
was a success. “Who cares of all the gifts dear. You remember I wanted to ask
you something. I want to hold your hand and walk the remaining distance. So..?”
And then we walked the remaining distance holding each other’s and vowed to
walk farther and farther. “It was my best birthday so far. Thanks for making
the most of it”, She texted after reaching home. Even I loved every minute I
spent with her. I wanted to see her again. I was so affected in fact addicted
to her presence that I found it hard to survive without it. Just then out of
thin air, she made her presence near the brown gate. “Is that you” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, its me.” Yes it was she. She came to share the sweets of her birthday to
the people at my home. She had a special for Bruno too. Everyone in my family
loved to see her. She had gelled very well with ours. That’s a positive sign
going forward.
I had an early Saturday morning as I had to lock up the
house after my mom and dad left for Chennai early morning. They are to return
on Monday morning. Though it was holiday for me, I didn’t want to attend the
function. It was a late Saturday morning for me. I had infinite time with me
and I had no other commitments other than the temple in the evening. Got up
from the bed around 10 AM, completed my ablutions and sat for the breakfast by
11:15 AM. Ate the idlys they made for me. Slipped to my laptop after breakfast.
It was a normal day until the clock stroke 2 PM. I heard a familiar female
voice “Auntyy.” Reluctantly I opened the door and to my surprise it was my
darling. She wasn’t surprised to see me but I was. Before I could recover from
her surprise visit she came in looking for my mom.
“Errr…They aren’t there. They have gone to Chennai for a
marriage and are to return on Monday morning.” I was sweating. My pulse rate
was ascending slowly. “Oh, Sorry I didn’t know that.” She stood still. I caught
her hand and took her to my bedroom. That’s the only place she hasn’t seen in
my house. I showed her my room, a typical guys of my age room, attitude
posters, Sachin and a family photo. “Nice” she said as she looked down, tucked
her hair behind the ears. I guessed it right. She was nervy. I pulled her to my
side and hugged her. It gave her confidence. Her hands met each other on my
back after a hesitation. She liked it. I loved it. She swirled around in a way
I never let go of the hold. My hands kissed each other in front of her belly.
We stroke an awesome pose before the mirror. Gorgeous couple we are, I thought.
We indeed were.
I loosened my grip.
She moved forward. Her shawl stuck to my hand. This was the first time that I
have seen her shawl unpinned. She didn’t leave the room. I didn’t want her.
Went close. Pulled her towards me. A tight hug, a gentle kiss on her forehead.
She smiled. She gave me an erection. I requested. She obliged. Our four lips
became one. The scene got steamier. Something was bound to happen. But she was
on her own. When I lost my senses, her common sense prevailed. She stopped me. Before I spilled the beans.
Her smile was seducing. I didn’t let her go. She forced herself out of the
room.
“I am leaving.” She never bothered to wait for a reply.
“Just a minute.” I stopped her. “I thought my mother told your family that they
wont be in town for the two days.” “Yes, she did”, she said as she never looked
up and continued to adjust her sandals. I smiled. “So that explains the
unpinned duppata”, I said as she locked the gate. She smiled and left. Boys are
hungry, girls are greedy, I concluded.
We are madly in love with each other. Survival looks
impossible in absence of the other one. I never regretted the decision of
opting out of the Chennai trip. Why should I? Monday morning came. My mom and
dad came. The house was beautifully maintained. It had to be. I had to clean
off any clue that would make them guess a girl was here. “Is it the time they
should know” was the thought while I was walking towards the bus point. She
came and we had a discussion about that also. She wasn’t sure of anything. Fear
crept her. She left the decision to me. I decided to say on my birthday, which
was couple of days away.
Finally I turned 21. Got the first wish from my darling at
12. I didn’t want it but she wanted it. “Welcome to 21 my son” my dad greeted
as I woke up. I am just 21 right, I cant reveal them anything about my love
life so early. I decided to postpone the decision for my 22nd birthday. I love
to have my birthday as a low key affair. This time was no different. Usual
people wish. But this time I had an extra wish. My darling, my desire, my love,
my life. Scenes from last birthday rolled over. She never knew that it was my
birthday and this year I got a 12oclock wish which I never had until today.
Life has changed. A lot.
“You look awesome in red and black”, she complimented. I
flattered. After all there was so much behind the screen work that took place
for the red shirt. I was stubborn to get a red and my dad didn’t want it. He
termed it as the “Danger color” but I desired it. A birthday ‘boy’ in the
college is the pitifullest fellow. He gets beaten, he becomes poor, his purse
is emptied. Everything happened to me also. I had the strength to bear
everything because I will have boost in the evening. And I waited for that.
We were walking together in the evening. Just then she took
out a thin gift wrapped thing. “Happy birthday dear” she said as she gave me. I
opened it to find a well-crafted parker pen. Ah! I just loved to own a parker
and now I have one. Thanks a lot darling.
If at all there existed a pair who would catch every eye in
the college, it was we. We complimented each other very well. We did not have
the same taste as such. Our opinions differed. But it was respected. We were
seen as the perfect made for each other in the entire college. Yup. The entire
college knew about us. We were famous. More importantly, our love life never
interfered in our academic life. We maintained the percentage we used to get
although she saw a slight increase. It had to be. Her boy was a topper.
On a Saturday morning, I couldn’t meet her at the temple as
planned. She didn’t turn up. That worried me. So I made a walk to my darling’s
house. I opened the gate and I was welcomed by her mom. I didn’t have a topic
to speak to her mom. But fortunately she had. She had lots. She spoke about her
daughter, her family, marks, her olden days with a “yes, no, haha” in between
from me. Finally she gave me a break where I could open my mouth to say “Your
daughter isn’t here?” A reluctant answer “Err…she is inside. Wait I will call.”
The mother gave an uncomfortable response that made me ponder. She was in her
room, just beside where we were talking, locked from inside. Her mother called
for her standing outside the room saying the reason. “I will see him later ma”
she said with a softer than usual voice. The mother looked at me puzzled, not
knowing what to tell me.
I stood up, calmed the nervous mother, went nearer to her
door and said “I will meet you after three days. Take care.” “Two days” she
corrected me as I turned to exit. I smiled and left the house. After all, men
and menstruation are the main headaches for women. And if I don’t understand
that who else would.
Life will be bitter if it is all sweet. My love life had no
fights between us. By the way I am one year old lover now and we are three
month old lovers. Too many pampers and sweet talk until the earthquake came a
week later.
Horoscope is one horrible thing in an orthodox family. And
as per hers, some planet God is gonna reside in some position that is not
destined. And if that happens, her marriage will be delayed. Well that’s not
the reason for the advancement of marriage talks. Her grandmother, is in her
nineties and wants to see her married. “Isnt that ridiculous?” I exclaimed at
the temple when she broke the news to me. Things didn’t matter to me until she
said this. “I am also excited.”
“What the fuck are you talking about darling?” I exclaimed.
“Listen, things are not gonna work out between us. So I have decided to give
the nod to the marriage. I called you to say this. One final time we are
meeting outside college. Forgive and forget.” She threw these minesweepers and
left the temple. I was left alone swearing the heroes of the place I was
sitting.
If her proposal was a kiss, her denial was devastation. I
still couldn’t take her words. She uttered something I never expected even in
dreams. It was a surprise, a shock, a slap. I still didn’t believe she uttered
those words. But things are real. She threw me off. Now I should try convincing
or forget her. It’s time to make the choice. The choice of my lifetime.
I called her on her phone. Basically I am comfortable
texting than talking and so this is the third or fourth time I am calling her.
She picked up the phone “Hello!” Man!! Where has all the love flown? How could
she change in matter of minutes? I have heard boys transform after the
intercourse but girls…first for me. “I called you for..” “Listen Mr. I don’t
have time to listen. I have no intentions to talk.Bye.” “Hey..Just a minute” I
stopped her before she hung. “ Your intentions look clear. I am not gonna stop
you either. Go ahead. Thanks for making my life happy. I don’t regret a single moment
with you. Except my act at my bedroom. I shouldn’t have obliged. I should have
done it and now you would have been behind me. I don’t care a hair that you are
getting married. But mark my words, my presence is gonna kill you. I am gonna
live a much better life. My wife will be the luckiest woman on earth. I
guarantee that. You are gonna atone. Rest In Peace darling.” I passed a kiss
and hung the phone.
The tough times has started. I have to think. Is she under
some stress that she is talking like this? Are the people in her house forcing
her into marriage? I love her and she loves me too. I know that. I am not that
easy to be fooled. She has given the nod to the marriage but I don’t think that
was given whole-heartedly. I have to think. She is in a problem and I have to
save her. For her sake as well as for my sake. What am I going to do? “I want
to meet you” I sent her the text.
I know she would come. We met at the same temple. “Tell me
what’s wrong?” She had a look into my eyes. Then started “See, people at home
are forcing me badly. I have no other choice. When I said that I didn’t like
the groom, that time itself they started to shout. Mom was very angry on me.
She is blackmailing me that she will suicide. What do you expect me to do? We
aren’t gonna work out in our family or I say my family. Its my fate that my
life is like this. I want you to stay happy. That’s why I spoke like that. I am
sorry. Its time that we think practically and move on.”
If I don’t understand her plight who else will? “Can I come
and talk to your mom and dad?” “About?” “About us!!” “Listen”, she added, “Now
you have a good name in my family. Anyways they aren’t gonna approve. The end
result will be that your name will be tarnished. That’s a waste of time. We
will have a mutual consent.”
She left the place as I was searching for words. She was a
prisoner of circumstances. I couldn’t help her either. I had to do something.
Just then my Samsung rang. “Hey, her marriage is fixed. January 18th. I tried
calling your mom, but her number was busy. Convey it ok” saying these, her
mother hung the phone. I just looked at the Gods there with eyes blurred with
tears.
The five minute walk I had to my home was the longest of all
walks from the temple to my home. I had to do something to save both of us. She
is being pushed into a marriage and I am being forced away from her. I wondered
what I can do to stop the marriage. I was determined to do something, but what?
But she never spoke anything against the decision of her elders. I urged her to
protest but she was scared to do it. I gave her suggestions that could possible
postpone the marriage. She said yes to me but said nothing at home. If someone
could stop this marriage, it is she. Looks like she isn’t interested in talking
against the marriage at her home. I am the stupid worrying for the same.
I started to wonder if she was really in love with me. She
doesn’t look to be in a worry of the scenes happening at her home. Its time for
the hard decision. I prepared for it. “I have decided. We are breaking off…
OFFICIALLY”. These characters took a decade to be completed and sent.
Controlling tears is a tough art. I am learning to master it and half way
through. “Thanks.. Take care” came the reply. That was unexpected. She took it
so easily. Damn!! The bitch didn’t care for me at all. No. I am not accusing
her, it was just an overtake of emotions.
If our love was expressed in a mediocre way, the break-up
was more a run-of-the-mill. I had to take care that it should not affect me
either physically or mentally. I am strong and the whole world knew it. But I
had my own weakness and only I knew it. Unfortunately it was exploited. I know
I can brave the odds. Nothing is an obstacle for me. I will come over it.
Motivating myself I went to her house.
She was there in the lobby when I entered. My presence was a
surprise for her. She had no welcoming words for me. She called out her mom who
came out to see me. “I want to talk few things about your daughter’s marriage
aunty.” “Tell me dear”, her mom was always sweet. I could sense the nerves of
the girl behind me. I knew where it is leading to.
“I just want to know about the groom and my role during the
marriage. I cant come and go just like any other relative. I am a part of this
family. Tell me what should I do?” A deep exhale from the bride. “Oh, so sweet
of you son. I will let you know.” I thanked the hospitality and left. My
presence in the marriage may disturb her, I thought. Yes. It was planned. No
more compassion. It is the revenge time. “Dispel the desire.”
Then after, there were frequent visits to her house,
discussing about the marriage plans. I was given a lot of responsibilities. She
didn’t like it. I didn’t like it either. But she didn’t like it. I liked it. Sem
holidays went off in a flash. I was busy you see. It was the time for the new
year. “I want to meet you” read a text from her. I was pleasured.
We met at the usual temple after a long time.
Me: So what
for is this meet? A final one?
She: What
is your problem?
Me: I have
no problem. I am living a happy life.
She: Don’t
act. You are crying inside.
Me: oh..
How come you know that?
Me: I know.
So.. how are you?
Me: Lie!!!
That’s a bloody lie. You are still in love. Erase your memories.
She: I have
no one in my mind. I am not thinking of anyone else. Ok?
Me: So how
come you knew that I was crying inside?
Me: So better confess. Why don’t
you tell the people at home that you are not interested in marriage. Whats
wrong? What is going to happen? If you keep quiet now, you are gonna shut your
mouth for your entire life. Is that ok for you? Or are you really ok for this?
You are prepared to marry that 26 year old guy? He looks flawless to me. But
that doesn’t force you to marry him?
She: Can you
please stop interrogating? I am prepared ok.. Both mentally and physically.
Me: Lets get out of the temple.
Mind a walk?
Me: Now that we are out of the
temple, tell me. What do you mean by physically?
She: It just flowed. Your thinking
is wrong.
Me: Fine. I will burn my
intentions. Don’t worry. So you are not gonna tell anything at home. That’s ok
for me? Are you gonna tell it to your… whatever.
She: I haven’t thought about it
yet.
Me: Great. I have one thing for
you. Open your mouth before you open your legs. That will save him and your
relationship. I need to go to the hall to foresee few things. Happy New Year.
Good bye.
I never waited for the reply. I was making my way home.
I realized
the intensity of my words right after my third step away from her. I didn’t
want to see her crying face but I could not take back my word either. Sheer
frustration and I have deciphered something that is going to make her hate me
big time. But ultimately its good for her I thought wiping the wetness off my
eyes.
I dared not to send her any texts seeking apology for the
words I had uttered. Let’s move on I thought. The New Year began on a dull note
and I hoped it ends better. That’s a long way I dusted my thoughts and closed
my eyes to dream.
I had to avoid her meetings in the mornings also, but that
was unavoidable. We both stood at the same place facing different directions,
never speaking a word. It pained through the blood of my heart but I had my
emotions very well under control. I knew I had to bite my teeth for a few more
days and then she will be off on marriage leave. No chats, no talks, no
eye-contacts life can never become more miserable for a young lad like me.
But I see a different me and she sees a different me. I am
the one who cant see her getting married, pained by her separation. But for
her, I am a guy who is taking revenge on her decision to marry, abusing her and
a third rated pervert. I was happy to be judged that way. The time at the
college were even more terrible with people around me putting up a sorry face
when they see me. I didn’t like it but couldn’t change it either. We were one
of the celebrated couples over the college but little did they know that it
would end up here. Neither did I.
It was the time of the bhogi. People had already started to
pollute the air. I also had few things to be burnt. Memories – Those are hard
to go by. But I need them to go. I am just days away from it. I had to prepare
myself hard infact very hard for it.
The wedding eve had arrived. People at her home were on
their toes running here and there. A halfhearted work from me. The wedding
wasn’t planned at a huge scale. It was a low key affair. She is to be married
to him in a temple or I say in the temple, in the same temple to be precise.
Morning 6 we had to be there. There were no last words from either of us. I
just wanted everything to move on smoothly. I had enough pain in my heart to
kill me number of times. I was courageous enough not to exhibit it. My doubt is
that the other girl, who knows me far better than my girl had figured out my
fishy behavior. Moms are wonderful someone said, well said.
Welcome Jan 18. I was there neatly dressed up at the temple
morning 7. The main act of the occasion was to be done in an hour. Memories of
the temple flashed through my mind as I was sitting gazing at the numerous
procedures of a Tambrahm marriage carnival. Just then I heard out my name
called in a familiar female voice. Her. Her Mother. “Here is the key. I forgot
my mobile at home. Can you please...?” Women forget things when they need them
most. “Sure” I said and picked up the keys proceeded towards her home. Her I
mean here as her mom.
I came out of the temple to see the used-to smile of the
flower vendor lady. She has seen me right from the day she opened the shop
here. As I tightened the buckle, I saw a beautiful car coming towards me. I was
just mesmerized to see the beautiful blue-metallic finish of the car. I
recognized it. That was easy. My favorite.
Just then I noticed the unusual behavior of the swift. It proceeded
towards me, speedily. Before I could take the evasive action, I had the hood
osculating my pelvis. I flew in the midair throwing away the keys. My head won
the race to reach the ground first. With half of what I could hear, I believe
it was the flower lady to scream first. With semi opened eyes I could see
people rushing towards me from the marriage hall. My mother reached me took the
blood painted face of mine on her lap. She also had reached the spot. The day
where everyone had to be happy, I could hear loud cries.
I was just in front of the temple. The same temple, where I
saw her first amidst night light. Here I may see her for the one final time in
the bright day light. The car that started it off returned to end it. She was wearing the ever gorgeous yellow
saree. Life is returning to where it all began. I called her to my side. I said
to her “I know who staged this accident.” Her tears had guilt as the primary
reason. “I love you” I said for the first time as I breathed my last.
Now tell me. Do ‘you’ believe in
ghosts?
